assbutt-in-the-garrison:

penceyprepofficial:

when I was like 9 my neighbors asked me to watch their fish and cat while they went on vacation and I was like “lol k” and while they were gone tHE FUCKING FISH DIED so when they got home I apologized to the mom and she was just like “no need to apologize, I turned the filter off so they would die because they are too much work. You did nothing wrong” and she gave me 20 bucks and that is the story of my first contracted murder

your first…?

(Source: penceyprepofficial, via oursisnottomakereply)

ohana-means-famiree:

poshcoughing:

americansavior:

itsjustsatanthings:

cumber-bitches:

caswantsdeansassbutt:

cumber-bitches:

cumber-bitches:

I have fruit polos and lollypops be jealous.

omg do many people not know what fruit polos are? they are heaven

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In America, we call them lifesavers. They can be chewy or hard candy. 

polos aren’t chewy and they also come in mint.

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this week on: britan thinks its special

This week on america copies everything from Britain.

HOLD THE FUCK UP

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(via londonbluejeans)

somethingwittythiswaycomes:

therothwoman:

lizawithazed:

ten0uttaten:

toocooltobehipster:

Banned Grey Poupon ad is hilariously wrong [YouTube]

THIS IS THE GREATEST THING I’VE EVER SEEN

WHY WAS THIS BANNED THIS IS BRILLIANT

They saw their chance and they fuckin took it.

ohhhhh myyyyy goooodddd

(via tricolorarts)

Anonymous asked:

im 13 and my boyfriend wants me to spend the night what should i wear

Matt Answer:

asian: